How To Flirt - Tips For The Over 50 Woman

If you’re new to the single world flirting may not be easy for you. Some of you have asked me for help with this so I am sharing an earlier article, how to flirt in various situations. My suggestion for those of you are feeling hesitant is to take it slow. Practice light flirty-like conversations with the men in your world–the produce guy at the grocery store, the mail man. Start off with non-threatening situations and move from there.

One of the most flattering things any of us can do is to truly, deeply listen to another person. This is the most natural way to flirt is to start a conversation with a man you’re interested in. Flirting doesn’t have to be as direct or outrageous as it may seem in some of the examples I’ve shared. The key is to act naturally.

Flirting is a great way to let a guy know you’re interested in him or to just have a little fun without committing to anything significant. If the chance arises for a more intimate type of flirting, it can be incredibly sexy.

Flirting should be defined by the circumstances and the relationship of the two people–a sexy flirtation is not appropriate for your prospective boss or best friend’s husband.

• There is the light, subtle flirt you might engage in with the sweet older man, or the cute young guy who opens the door for you- a nice smile, maybe even a touch on his arm. Direct eye contact and a few nice words. Nothing suggestive but flattering. He’ll be thrilled and you can feel good about ‘doing a good deed’.
• Flirting with someone you know and enjoy but with whom there is not going to be a relationship. I have a friend who’s about 12 years older than I am. I know he thinks I’m sexy. I think he is a bit of a ‘dirty old man’. We play. He is a fan of the full-body hug. It’s borderline inappropriate. I give him my biggest smile and plant a kiss on his cheek. He makes a comment about boobs occasionally. I don’t complain, though I sigh out loud and pretend to be mildly offended. Innocent and fun because we know each other well enough to understand there is no real sexual intention.
• The “I find you attractive” flirt. You see an interesting guy across the room and you want to communicate your interest. Look at him directly and smile. If he returns the smile you can intensify your interest a little. Let him know that you know he’s watching. Shift in your seat, brush the hair back off your face, and touch your lips, or lick them. Let your body language talk for you. After a bit look at him again and smile. Then sit back and see what happens. If he’s really interested he might make the next move. If he doesn’t, you could go over and speak to him. Or when you leave, if it feels comfortable, you might slip him a note.Be careful about giving out contact information to strangers. 
• The serious flirt. You’re sitting next to a guy, hopefully you’re engaged in conversation, and you want to let him know you’re interested.  Date, new friend, total stranger-up to you, just use your intuition.  Listen to what he’s saying, use direct eye contact and lean in when he talks. I’m a toucher, so it’s natural for me to want to lightly touch his hand or his arm.  The goal here is to signal your intention. I find this type of flirtation great fun. If I’m interested I’m going to turn to face him, move a little closer and give him my full attention. If I get up from the table or bar I might brush into him as I walk by or place my hand on his back as if to steady myself. We both know I don’t need steadying. Once, in the midst of a serious flirt, I when to the ladies room and came back sans panties. As I walked by the guy I was chatting with (I knew him intimately) I discreetly showed him the panties. Had I planned this in advance they would have been the laciest ones I owned. I returned to my bar stool and, with delight, watched him squirm for the rest of the evening. (I don’t advise doing this unless you know him well or you’re really wild!)
• The marital flirt. Married couples should flirt. It can be the prelude to a romantic evening or a way to kick-start a lukewarm sex life. Send him a love note, kiss him on the back of the neck when you walk by. Give him sexy looks from across the room, do things that make you feel good and that indicate your interests. Use it as the beginning of foreplay.

There are times when flirting is not appropriate and I will assume you know who is off-limits. Short synopsis: your daughter’s boyfriend, the boss, the creepy guy who plopped down next to you at the bar, the cop who’s writing your ticket…..

Share one of your tips for flirting. I dare you. Guys, how do you like a woman to flirt with you?

Thanks to the Diva Of Dating for this advice!

7 Tips for Dating After Age 50

Dating can be an unnerving experience at any age. But dating after age 50 presents a unique set of challenges. “You have a 50-year-old body with a 20-year-old headset,” says Judith Sills, a clinical psychologist and author of Getting Naked Again: Dating, Romance, Sex, and Love When You've Been Divorced, Widowed, Dumped, or Distracted. “You are anxious and giggling the way you were when you were 19. You feel like you have dialed the clock back.” To help you ace that first date, here are some pointers:

Try a new activity. Let your friends know that you're dating and ask if they know anyone who might be right for you. Also, expand your social circle by taking on new actives such as a cooking class, hiking group, or becoming a docent at a park or museum. “Find a situation that brings people together and offers an opportunity to meet and get to know each other,” says Abigail Trafford, author of As Time Goes By: Boomerang Marriages, Serial Spouses, Throwback Couples, and Other Romantic Adventures in an Age of Longevity. Her suggestions for great places to meet a love interest: community centers, elder hostels, music and book clubs, or other community associations.

Look up an old friend. Remember the guy you dated in college for two years and lost touch with? Do you still think about the beautiful girl your traveled around Europe with for a month? If you remember someone fondly from your past, it could be worth looking them up online. “A large percent of people who get married in their 50s...they find people they met in their past and look them up,” says John Gray, a certified family therapist and author of Mars and Venus Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again After a Painful Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a Loved One. Try Googling their name, contacting college or high school alumni offices, or even an old-fashioned phone book.

Go online. Americans age 50 and older are the fastest growing demographic on the dating website Match.com, and they make up 20 percent of all users. “My mom found someone on Match in five months and she is 63,” says Whitney Casey, a relationship insider (her actual job title) for Match.com and author of The Man Plan: Drive Men Wild...Not Away. The stock market slump may further contribute to a surge in online dating. “On days when the Dow went down by 100 points, we found an increase in our site usage relative to when the Dow increased by 100 points,” says Gian Gonzaga, a senior research scientist for the dating website eHarmony, which saw a 20 percent spike in users between September 2008 and January 2009, compared with the same time period a year ago. “Economic news tends to be stressful, and as you become more stressed, you begin to look for things that will offer you comfort and help you out during these tough times.” Post a flattering picture of yourself online, but don't use a photo 10 years younger than you are. “Get friends to look at [the picture] before you put it online and find the best picture that really represents who you are,” says Casey. You should also avoid exaggerating or downright lying in your profile. “The more descriptive and honest that you are, the better match you are actually going to make,” says Casey.

Keep it light. Don't turn a first date into a job interview. Go into the meeting with the intention of having a good time. “Let go of the goal-oriented dating of finding a soul mate,” advises Gray. “You want to lower your expectation of finding someone to spend the rest of your life with. Find someone to date that seems intriguing to you.” Be open to experiencing each date and each person for what they have to offer.

Prepare conversation starters. There's nothing worse than awkward pauses on a first date that stretch into eternity. “You need to have a list of three surefire conversation starters and continuers,” says Casey. Her favorite questions: What is the most memorable meal you've ever had? Where do you want to travel to? Movies, books, and television shows are also safe topics, she says.

Mention, but don't dwell on kids. It's important to mention that you have children in passing or if asked, but don't talk about their first words or college choices for two hours. “When people talk about their ex's and their children, it's boring,” says Sills. “Your children are never ever as fascinating to other people as they are to you.”

Don't mention your ex. It probably goes without saying that by age 50, you have had a few love relationships in your life. There's no need to give a new love interest the play-by-play. “People in their 50s often have a history of being in a relationship where it didn't go well,” says Gray. But that's no excuse for imposing that resentment on a different person, he says. Don't talk about your dating life, either. “Cute, funny stories about horrible men you have dated do not make men laugh,” cautions Sills. “Don't bring up your ex-husband or your ex-wife for a very long time."

Thanks to USNews.com for the article!

Five Top Tips For Online Dating

1. Put your best foot forward.

I hate to say it but there's serious competition out there based on the numbers from the Census Bureau.  For online dating spend time writing a profile that shows you in the best light.  Get a friend's opinion on the final draft.  And if you don't have a great photo, ask that same friend to snap a nice candid shot for you to post. 

Have a simple and flattering first date outfit already in the closet -- like a uniform.  When you have that first date, you don't have to agonize over what to where, how it fits, how you'll look.  You'll already know and be able to head to meet Mr. Maybe-Right with a little less stress.  And the best thing to show on the first date is the real you.  At 50+, who has time for being anything but authentic. 

2. Don't settle.

I'm not looking for Prince Charming anymore -- I went to his funeral years ago.  As I've gotten older, my ideal date is kind, smart, emotionally available (did I say that already?), thoughtful and not addicted to any substance other than chocolate or coffee.  Have you made a list of the qualities you'd like to find in the people you date at this point in life?  It helps you get real clear -- again -- on what works and what's non-negotiable for you in a relationship.  If someone doesn't measure up, don't settle for less than what you want. 

3. Lighten Up

When I was young, I took the whole dating thing so seriously.  As I think back on it, the end goal was to get married and have a family -- at least that's what I learned back in the day.  Now I don't really worry about getting married again.  So I'm less wedded -- not to make a pun -- to the end result and more to the journey in a relationship. 

I've also accepted that sometimes I meet someone who just not that into me.  If you haven't read the book by that name, it's enlightening-- and liberating.  From Kathryn Lord, the Romance Coach, here are a few signs that a man just isn't that into you:

• He tells you he's just not that into you.
• He tells you he isn't ready to settle down into a relationship.
• Doesn't give you a hug or a kiss goodbye.
• He doesn't call.

Sound familiar?

4. Protect yourself in all ways possible. 

First, don't share personal information, like your contact info until you've really gotten a comfort level with someone.  For instance, keep your email private which the top online dating sites always do for you.  If you decide to talk with someone on the phone, call them and *67 before you dial their number so your phone number isn't revealed. 

When you're ready to meet someone in person -- coffee in a very public place is a good first date -- advise a friend where you're going and that you will call after you leave.  My sister and I have this arrangement and it works well.  Once I progress to a longer date, like dinner, my sister knows to call at a certain time.  As I answer the call in front of my date, I apologize and jokingly explain how my sister and I look out for one another because my date -- and yours -- should know that someone cares about us.  

The other way to protect yourself is at the point you decide to take a new relationship into intimacy.  The bottom line is that over 50, we need our own stash of condoms and -- no you can't depend on the other person to have one.  Nancy over at Boomerful, who found herself single in midlife, reports that: 

After more than a year of being single, what I have learned is this: Condoms are a fact of life. Don't consider any other way, unless you are really monogamous and have both been tested. If you are in bed with a guy and he doesn't have the guts to use a condom ... or he tries to convince you that one isn't needed ... RUN. He is not worth a conversation, much less your body fluids and possibly your life.

If you're timid about buying a box of condoms from your friendly neighborhood pharmacist -- it is a weird feeling -- then you can buy them online.

5. Enjoy yourself. 

This one sounds easy but I'm not quite there.  It's a goal I haven't quite reached yet in this new world of dating over 50.  I'm hopeful, though.

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