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7 Tips for Dating After Age 50

Dating can be an unnerving experience at any age. But dating after age 50 presents a unique set of challenges. “You have a 50-year-old body with a 20-year-old headset,” says Judith Sills, a clinical psychologist and author of Getting Naked Again: Dating, Romance, Sex, and Love When You've Been Divorced, Widowed, Dumped, or Distracted. “You are anxious and giggling the way you were when you were 19. You feel like you have dialed the clock back.” To help you ace that first date, here are some pointers:

Try a new activity. Let your friends know that you're dating and ask if they know anyone who might be right for you. Also, expand your social circle by taking on new actives such as a cooking class, hiking group, or becoming a docent at a park or museum. “Find a situation that brings people together and offers an opportunity to meet and get to know each other,” says Abigail Trafford, author of As Time Goes By: Boomerang Marriages, Serial Spouses, Throwback Couples, and Other Romantic Adventures in an Age of Longevity. Her suggestions for great places to meet a love interest: community centers, elder hostels, music and book clubs, or other community associations.

Look up an old friend. Remember the guy you dated in college for two years and lost touch with? Do you still think about the beautiful girl your traveled around Europe with for a month? If you remember someone fondly from your past, it could be worth looking them up online. “A large percent of people who get married in their 50s...they find people they met in their past and look them up,” says John Gray, a certified family therapist and author of Mars and Venus Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again After a Painful Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a Loved One. Try Googling their name, contacting college or high school alumni offices, or even an old-fashioned phone book.

Go online. Americans age 50 and older are the fastest growing demographic on the dating website Match.com, and they make up 20 percent of all users. “My mom found someone on Match in five months and she is 63,” says Whitney Casey, a relationship insider (her actual job title) for Match.com and author of The Man Plan: Drive Men Wild...Not Away. The stock market slump may further contribute to a surge in online dating. “On days when the Dow went down by 100 points, we found an increase in our site usage relative to when the Dow increased by 100 points,” says Gian Gonzaga, a senior research scientist for the dating website eHarmony, which saw a 20 percent spike in users between September 2008 and January 2009, compared with the same time period a year ago. “Economic news tends to be stressful, and as you become more stressed, you begin to look for things that will offer you comfort and help you out during these tough times.” Post a flattering picture of yourself online, but don't use a photo 10 years younger than you are. “Get friends to look at [the picture] before you put it online and find the best picture that really represents who you are,” says Casey. You should also avoid exaggerating or downright lying in your profile. “The more descriptive and honest that you are, the better match you are actually going to make,” says Casey.

Keep it light. Don't turn a first date into a job interview. Go into the meeting with the intention of having a good time. “Let go of the goal-oriented dating of finding a soul mate,” advises Gray. “You want to lower your expectation of finding someone to spend the rest of your life with. Find someone to date that seems intriguing to you.” Be open to experiencing each date and each person for what they have to offer.

Prepare conversation starters. There's nothing worse than awkward pauses on a first date that stretch into eternity. “You need to have a list of three surefire conversation starters and continuers,” says Casey. Her favorite questions: What is the most memorable meal you've ever had? Where do you want to travel to? Movies, books, and television shows are also safe topics, she says.

Mention, but don't dwell on kids. It's important to mention that you have children in passing or if asked, but don't talk about their first words or college choices for two hours. “When people talk about their ex's and their children, it's boring,” says Sills. “Your children are never ever as fascinating to other people as they are to you.”

Don't mention your ex. It probably goes without saying that by age 50, you have had a few love relationships in your life. There's no need to give a new love interest the play-by-play. “People in their 50s often have a history of being in a relationship where it didn't go well,” says Gray. But that's no excuse for imposing that resentment on a different person, he says. Don't talk about your dating life, either. “Cute, funny stories about horrible men you have dated do not make men laugh,” cautions Sills. “Don't bring up your ex-husband or your ex-wife for a very long time."

Thanks to USNews.com for the article!

Dating Younger Men After Divorce

Pros:

1. Easily impressed. This is not to say that any younger man can be swept off his feet just because you graduated one year ahead of him, but you WILL act as a role model, unintentionally or intentionally.

2. New experiences. As you get older, the media is telling you what "women of a certain age" can or can't do. Bullsh*t. Dating a younger man will expose you to and in some cases, force you, to step outside your comfort zone. Treasure this.

3. Cheerleading. Support, both ways, is very important in a relationship. As he's in a more developmental stage, there will be endless opportunities for you to lend a hand, a shoulder, maybe even a few dollars here and there. This is more positive than negative, as this is a two-way street. He will be more helpful and encouraging as well, seeing the chance to help his amazing girlfriend succeed. This give and take situation will serve to form a closer bond between you two.

4. More experimental in bed. Older men are usually set in their ways. It's certainly not right, but they're more likely to say, "It worked for my last girlfriends, why not her?" whereas a younger man is likely a little less experienced, open to criticism and ideas. This kind of freedom can open you both up to a lot of new and fun possibilities.

Cons:

1. Arrested development. Without a mother around to nudge them to make a dentist appointment twice a year, men fresh out of college sometimes forget completely. If they had a laundry service for the last few years, they probably expect clothes at the bottom of the hamper to recycle, like diamonds. Essentially, you may have a Peter Pan Man on your hands.

2. The chaperone. I knew a lovely young woman, 29, who started dating (and eventually married) a man three years her junior. The first time she met his friends, she was embarrassed to learn that most of his peers were dating college girls and girls fresh out of high school. Surrounded by 19-year-olds, she felt more like a chaperone and less like Andrew's girlfriend.

3. Young doesn't necessarily mean immature - but in terms of life experience alone, there will be times when you might need to coach him through a rough situation, either at work, with friends or even with paying bills. You learned the hard way, but he may not have had his lesson yet.

4. Support. If you're more established in a career, been saving your money longer or are simply in a more advanced professional stage, you may have to pay the price. Dealing with money is difficult in any relationship, but when one makes significantly more, there may be some unforeseen troubles.

 

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